10 phrases 'poor communicators' use that could sidetrack conversations

Most people would agree that communication is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. It's no surprise that we need clear communication from our friends, partners, and colleagues. But sometimes, poor communicators lead conversations astray, or people find themselves mixed up when someone means one thing but says another.

Thankfully, experts have highlighted ten phrases often used by poor communicators—phrases you'll likely want to remove from your conversations going forward so you can communicate your point effectively.

Speaking to Parade, Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks, explained: "Having poor communication skills can erode trust, weaken relationships, cause mistakes and increase conflict. Basically, good communication is the foundation for relationships that are filled with respect, trust and success."

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'If you say so"

Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind, explained that the phrase often comes off as sarcastic or dismissive. He said it could signal that the speaker disagrees with the person they're talking to but won't explain why, which often leads to unresolved tension.

"You always/never"

"The all-or-nothing wording exaggerates reality and pushes the other person into self-defence mode instead of reflection," said Dr. Tom McDonagh, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist. He added that the phrase is unhelpful because it prompts the listener to think of a counterexample rather than listening to what's being said.

"Calm down"

While the speaker might mean well, this phrase often implies someone's feelings are illegitimate. Dr. McDonagh warns: "It sends the message, 'Your reaction is the problem,' rather than, 'Let me try to hear you.'"

"Forget it"

Dr. Hafeez says this phrase can make someone feel dismissed or unimportant, as if you have given up on the conversation.

"No offence, but..."

According to Dr. McDonagh, using this phrase suggests the speaker is saying something offensive but will not admit it. As a result, the phrase often causes offence rather than preventing it.

"You're being too sensitive"

Once more, this phrase might be used by someone seeking to skirt responsibility for their words. Even if someone thinks they're sharing helpful feedback, it might make someone feel their emotions are wrong, says Dr. Miller.

"I was just kidding"

Dr. McDonagh says the phrase could be used to shield hurtful remarks. However, dodging accountability in this way can lead to someone withdrawing trust. Sometimes, an apology is all it takes to right a wrong.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

Dr. Miller says poor communicators could use this phrase to avoid a topic when, in fact, it would be more helpful to explain what they don't understand.

"You wouldn't understand"

"Saying this creates a wall between people," explains Dr. Hafeez. "It can make the listener feel excluded or unintelligent, even if that wasn’t the intent."

"I guess"

Dr. Hafeez adds that this phrase signals uncertainty, which can make something feel like their input does not matter.